Blood on the Bayou - Wrap-up

Not only is Bouchercon over (Has been for like two weeks, dude. Pay attention.) but these recaps are coming to a close. Below are my thoughts of things that didn’t happen in panels, in no particular order.

The new system for dispensing free books rules. This was far and away the best method I’ve seen yet. I come away from most Bouchercons with nothing new to read from the free assortment. This year I drove home with nine books. (The Beloved Spouse let me have three of her tickets.)

In another feature I first saw in Indianapolis 2009, the continuing conversation did not fare as well. This is a wonderful idea and fun for everyone involved, but its marketing was insufficient—I was unaware of it until arriving at the conference—and the location needs to be more in the flow of things. Keeping it on the Fourth Floor away from everything but the Green Room meant no innocent foot traffic ever wandered by, saw what was going on, and stayed. Let’s hope future planners see the value of these, but display them more prominently.

The elevators at the New Orleans Marriott are unlike anything I have ever seen. ‘Nuff said.

Possibly the best decision we made all week was to have dinner with John McFetridge and his lovely wife, Laurie, on Wednesday before things got frantic. Things did get frantic later in the week, and it was great to have time to sit and talk with them. Of course it was John’s idea to do it early, but I was smart enough to agree with him.

Speaking of food, I highly recommend the Chartres House. We made a deal not to look for any frou-frou restaurants and eat at local—well, local joints. We did very well. The Chartres House was excellent in a relaxing atmosphere. Lunch at Mena’s was outstanding both days. (Po’ boys for me; muffelatta for The Beloved Spouse.) Mother’s was exactly what we wanted, and going to Café du Monde for my first beignets was perfect. For a man who planned to eat pretty much nothing but red beans and rice, the varieties of said delicacy were outstanding everywhere we went.

Speaking of food, I saw something I dare say few, if any, of you have ever seen: Lee Child getting chicken in Popeye’s.

Friday evening was an adventure both before and after the Shamus banquet. On the way there in a cab with The Beloved Spouse, Peter Rozovsky, and Absolutely Kate PIlarcik, I managed to lose my wallet in my pants. I feel almost as laden as a paratrooper when I go to Bouchercon, carrying glasses, keys, wallet, cell phone, business cards, notebook, pens, mints, and change; with at least ten pockets, 5.11 tactical pants are perfect for me, and they never look bulky like cargo pants. Problem is, when I got into the cab I had my wallet in my hand and had to crawl into the back of a minivan. I put the wallet in a front pocket, forgot it was there while giving directions to the cabbie—who did not know how to get to a hotel three blocks away—and the damn pants hold things so discretely I never felt the wallet in the unfamiliar pocket. A couple of frantic minutes ensued as I crawled all over the floor looking for it. I was about to run back to the Marriott to see if I’d dropped it there when my hand brushed against the mystery pocket and the evening was saved.

Upon returning to our room we found the temperature to be 80 degrees. The Beloved Spouse called the front desk and requested maintenance. Receiving an affirmative answer, she said I should go on down to the bar if I wanted. I took my time, not wanting to be too obvious about wanting to get there while there was still beer left. Walking past the thermostat, I noted the temperature was now 81 degrees. “That’s your body heat,” she screamed. “Get the fuck out!” This tender display assuaged much of my lingering guilt over leaving her there. True romance such as ours is hard to find.

The party at House of Blues was great fun, even though we couldn’t stay long. They could have renamed the Voodoo Room the Womb, as that’s the only other place I’ve ever been that was as hot, humid, and crowded.

There’s never enough time to see everyone you’d like to see at Bouchercon, nor to spend as much time as you’d like with those you do catch up with. The trick is to make the most of those you do get to see. So, in addition to the organizers, I like to thank the following people for conspiring to make this probably my best Bouchercon of the seven I’ve been to: Scott Adlerberg, Eric and Gretchen Beetner, Jim Born, Rob Brunet, Rebecca Bush (at least that’s the name she’s going by now), Eric and Christy Campbell, Colin Campbell, Joe “Eight-Page Letter” Clifford, Jacques Filippi, Ian Graham, Michelle and Tommy Isler, Stewart and Debbie Laidlaw, Terrence and Rita Ramirez McCauley, John and Laurie McFetridge, Craig and Emily McNeely, Tim O’Mara, Scott Parker, Dale Phillips, Jeff Pierce (bonus points for us recognizing each other this time), Absolutely Kate Pilarcik, J.D. and Lynn Rhoades, Peter Rozovsky, Charles Salzberg, John Shepphird, David Swinson, and Lance Wright. I know I left some out; no offense intended. Considerable amounts of Bass passed through my digestive and urinary systems.

I’ll see you all—and then some—next year in Toronto, eh?

Blood on the Bayou - Saturday

Peter Rozovsky is only half right: I may be a (two-time) loser, but I’m no pussy. I girded my loins after Friday’s ignominious Shamus defeat and got right back into the fray Saturday morning.

9:00 Weapons Presented by Jim Born

Anyone who cares about getting the cop stuff right in their books—or readers who want to see if their favorite authors get it right—needs to see one of Jim Born’s presentations. Anyone who enjoys a good time and likes to laugh also needs to see one of Jim’s presentations. If you fit both categories, then there’s no excuse for not getting your ass out of bed as early as is necessary when presented an opportunity for one of his clinics. Ably assisted by Colin Campbell, Sean Lynch, and (inadvertently) Ian Graham, Jim described and demonstrated scenes anyone who reads about cops should be aware of.

Flex cuffs are popular because traditional handcuffs cost about $75 (even without the fur) and can easily be lost as the suspect makes his way through the booking process. Flex cuffs are sturdier than your basic cable ties and require wire cutters for removal.

The “officer/suspect factor” (relative sizes of each) is a key component in trials when use of force is in question.

Hip holsters have a button the wearer must press to release the gun. This is a safety feature intended to prevent the gun falling out at inopportune moments as well as to keep a bad guy from taking it. The buttons are not foolproof. Cops who were in a fight for their gun often wind up traumatized even if they win.

One of the first questions a cop has to answer if he shoots someone is if he identified himself as a police officer. Jim always says, “Police. Don’t move,” when he has to pull a weapon. That’s his defense if he were to be involved in a shooting. It’s simple and understandable, witnesses can easily hear it, and, should an attorney ask how he’s sure he said it, Jim can honestly reply it’s because he does it every time, even in training.

Do everything you can to keep something between you and the suspect.

Pepper spray may not work in a fight as adrenaline can overcome it. It’s also risky to use it if the quarters are too close, as it’s just as effective on cops as on bad guys.

Jim’s fondest hope when taking a door or approaching a dangerous suspect is to be working with a partner who is younger and expendable. J

Two cops approaching a suspect will automatically separate and stay as far apart around the suspect as possible without being in each other’s lines of fire. Only one cop speaks. This avoids confusion and also keeps the suspect from being fully aware of where the other cop is. The front, speaking cop never stops moving.

Ask if the suspect has a gun. A professional criminal who doesn’t want the cop to shoot him will usually just tell you.

When asked if entering a building was dangerous, Jim said it wasn’t so bad. He had body armor and a heavily armed team of people he trusted with his life on his side. The person it was most dangerous for was the guy they were after.

10:30 The Soap Opera Song: Soap Operas and Crime: Soap Operas Without Shame: Lessons Learned About Writing from the Soaps. Laura Benedict, moderator.

Fortunately the panelists had a better handle on what to talk about than did the folks who named the panel. Highlights:

Toni McGee Causey said she grew up in the Deep South and thought Days of Our Lives was a documentary.

Joe Clifford: Soaps always propel the narrative forward, yet you can skip three years and not miss a thing.

Reed Farrel Coleman: Soap Opera writers are masters at working in backstory.

Toni McGee Causey: A soap never goes more than five minutes without conflict.

Soap operas are often leading indicators of social issues such as homosexuality, HIV, inter-racial marriage, etc.

Toni McGee Causey’s first exposure to people who weren’t part of her insular, segregated community came through the soaps.

Reed Farrel Coleman: Soaps feed you social issues in small doses, unlike network shows shoving the issue down your throat. (His word choice led to great merriment and the conversation deteriorated from there.)

Holly West: Soaps also show unfamiliar groups have the same problems everyone else does.

Toni McGee Causey: Soaps are excellent at painting themselves into corners and creatively getting out again.

Charles Salzberg: Soaps are clinics in how to use dialog to move the story along.

Reed Farrel Coleman: Soaps show emotions play out over time in ways movies and episodic TV cannot. Novels can—and should—work the same way.

Toni McGee Causey: Soaps lack the luxury of a narrator to keep the reader posted and tell what’s going on in someone’s head. Everything has to come straight from the character.

Audiences develop attachments to the actors who play certain characters. A teen-aged Joe Clifford once wrote an eight-page letter to the network when they replaced a favorite actor with someone Joe felt was unsuited to the role. (Joe publicly admitted to eight pages. I have it on good authority it was closer to 16 but he didn’t want to seem unbalanced. Right. Eight pages is perfectly normal behavior.)

(I have all of the above on good authority. You didn’t really think I’d go to a soap opera panel, did you? Really.)

12:00 Dark Necessities: Balancing the Dark and Light in Stories. Dana King, moderator.

I was busy during much of this panel but sources tell me it didn’t suck, though it had to be a let-down for anyone who’d been to the soaps panel immediately preceding. What I remember most was Heather Graham telling a story of a Key West man who dug up a dead woman and kept her in his home for seven years while continuing to buy her flowers and gifts. Since the statute of limitation on grave robbing was only five years, the police has no idea what to charge him with. This is apparently not the weirdest story to come out of Key West.

Profound and sincere thanks to Heather, Terrence McCauley, and Patrick Hoffman for their graciousness with a virgin moderator. Health issues made us two panelists short and I worried if I’d prepared enough questions, but everyone pitched in and we more than filled the time without stretching. I owe each of you a solid.

1:30 24 Frames: Influence of the Big and Small Screen on Crime Fiction. Matt Goldman, moderator.

Ace Atkins: Longer story arcs, spanning multiple books, are now acceptable as more people binge watch shows.

Peter Blauner: When David Mamet adapts a book into a script, he reads the book and puts it in a drawer. What he remembers goes into the script.

Danny Gardner uses the rhythms of comedy to make his serious points about race go down smoother.

(I feel a little guilty for not having more notes here, but good stuff came pretty fast and furious and I couldn’t get some things down without missing others. I have several notes begun but not finished.)

4:30 Imagine: Social Issues. Gary Phillips, moderator.

I’d trade a delicate portion of my anatomy to have Gary Phillips’s voice.

Paul Hardesty started writing fiction to tell all the things he wasn’t allowed to say in reports and scholarly papers. He’s also aware no one reads these papers, and most of the few who do don’t care. Through fiction he can tell the stories, include what he wants, and people will actually read them.

Ovidia Yu: Singapore’s authoritarian government seems to give more leeway to musicals, so if you can sing it, it’s acceptable. The government also likes to say it’s progressive, so lesbians are okay, so long as there’s only one.

Julia Dahl: Journalism is now how many clicks an article receives. The first paragraph is no longer where the most critical information goes; it’s where they put the Google search keywords.

Bruce DeSilva: The real problem with journalism today isn’t in the loss of national or international coverage, but the lack of coverage of city halls, zoning boards, etc.

(Personal thought in notes: Man, does Gary ask good questions. He’s got a good topic for thought-provoking questions, but he’s all over it.)

Paul Hardesty: To prevent a book from becoming a polemic, the author should provide a scaffolding onto which the reader can fill in with his own experiences and perspectives. He also advises taking everything written in the “white heat of passion” and cutting it in a subsequent draft.

Erica Wright advocated on behalf of humor growing organically out of situations.

Bruce DeSilva hopes not to get feedback about the social issues he writes about, as that would mean he was too heavy-handed. He just wants to give people something to think about.

Next post I’ll talk about highlights that happened outside of panels. That’s going to take more than a couple of paragraphs, too. It was that kind of week.

Blood on the Bayou - Friday

Friday picked up right where Thursday left off, which is not surprising when one considers Thursday didn’t end for me until 2:00 AM on Friday.

9:30 Fan Guests of Honor Jon and Ruth Jordan Interviewed by Charles Todd and Caroline Todd

It’s good to remember people like Jon and Ruth Jordan are the reason there are such things as Bouchercons. We writers—even regular-sized writers—are only able to get together because three times as many readers pony up and travel great distances to visit with us, and few people are more responsible for keeping those fires stoked than the Jordans. For as much as writers like to complain about discuss how difficult it is to balance jobs and lives and still find time to write, I guaran-damn-tee you none of us puts in more time than the Jordans. They’re charming and unassuming and one would never guess they, and others like them, are what make everything we get to do possible. The interview covered a wide range of topics, from Jordan family history to the origins of Crimespree Magazine to anecdotes about writers they’ve come to know, and they know everybody. A delightful 50 minutes, though co-interviewer Charles Todd needed coffee badly. Very badly. Bubbles on The Wire never jonesed harder for a fix than Charles Todd did for his coffee that morning.

11:00 Better Him Than Me: Criminal Protagonists. Dwayne Swierczynski, moderator.

Dwayne Swierczynski stepped in when original moderator Todd “Big Daddy Thug” Robinson was unable to attend. Dwayne never skipped a beat, keeping a first-rate panel moving on a topic they were all more than qualified for.

John McFetridge refers to his Toronto series of books that focus on the motorcycle gang the Saints of Hell as “criminal procedurals.” As one of his characters said, “I don’t understand serial killers. It’s a crime with no profit.” (Gordon Brown also fails to see the appeal of fictional serial killers, and thinks it’s the vicarious danger that appeals to readers.) John also mentioned that killing an animal is lazy writing if the only purpose is to establish how bad the bad guy is.

Nik Korpon feels the same way about rape. Placing women in danger is too easy, and Nik has no background in how the women feel, which makes it almost impossible to describe more than half a rape.

Nik also told a story of author Angel Luis Colon, who used to hang with former IRA guys in New York City after the Troubles. Colon was later appalled when he realized he’d been spending enjoyable time with bombers and murderers and had difficulty reconciling the things they’d done with their apparently genial natures.

Shawn McDaniel strongly recommends a non-fiction book, The Sociopath Next Door, as a way to get inside criminal protagonists. Shawn believes people are drawn to characters like Tony Soprano because of the character’s passion for what they do.

2:00 On the Nickel: PIs Jan Grape, moderator.

Sean Lynch, a former cop who writes a series about PIs who take on police corruption: How many cops does it take to push a guy down the stairs? None. He fell.

David Housewright doesn’t think of setting as a character, but as how it forms and informs the human characters. He’ll let his PI go outside the rules, but there are always consequences.

Corey Lynn Fayman once had a PI tell him if he ever came up against a man with a gun in the course of an investigation, he’d step back and call the police.

Sean Lynch: The antagonistic relationship often depicted between fictional cops and PIs isn’t generally accurate. They get along and can help each other 90% of the time, and it drives him crazy to see cop shows where the cops have only one case at a time. If a PI has a way to help and isn’t a jerk about it, most cops will be happy to cooperate. This relationship works both ways as each side utilizes the better skills of the other. One condition: the PI must agree to share everything and understand the cop can’t do the same. In his experience, cops who are dismissive and hostile toward PIs who can help them aren’t usually good cops in general.

3:30 The Boxer: Writing Violence. Zoe Sharp, moderator.

This panel differed from other violence panels I’ve seen as the discussion focused less on the mechanics of violence and more on the psychology. All of the panelists agreed they get much more grief from readers over the swearing in their books than because of the violence.

Sheila Redling: How does physical size affect your character’s sense of risk or preparation for violence? Are physically smaller characters more attuned to physical threats?

Sheila Redling quoting from The Onion: The average man is 5000% less effective at fighting than he imagines.

Zoe Sharp: Male authors focus more on the mechanics of sex and violence; women more on the emotions.

Taylor Stevens: The middle course is to be inside the character’s head and see what that person is thinking or experiencing.

Zoe Sharp: You don’t need to spell out everything that happens. Readers will fill in their own blanks. (She then referenced the shower scene from Psycho, where at no time does the audience ever see a knife contact skin.)

Quote attributed to Dennis Lehane (by who I don’t remember): Everything he knows about writing violence came from reading the Parker novels by Richard Stark (Donald Westlake). Zoe Sharp got a lot of pointers from the sparse prose used in Robert B. Parker’s novels.

7:00 Private Eye Writers of America Banquet.

The PWA Banquet is always fun, and this year’s even more than usual. Lawrence Block spoke of his time as president, and several other long-time members spoke and presented awards. The evening concluded with the presentation of the Shamus Awards, which went to:

• Best Private Eye Novel: Brutality by Ingrid Thoft
• Best First Private Eye Novel: The Do-Right by Lisa Sandlin
• Best Original Private Eye Paperback: Circling the Runway by J.L. Abramo
• Best Private Eye Short Story: "The Dead Client" by Parnell Hall (Dark City Lights: New York Stories)

The lifetime achievement award went once again to someone who had more than earned the honor, S.J. Rozan. Congratulations to all the winners, even Joe Abramo, who beat me for best paperback original. I’d like to hate him, but he’s such a nice guy, fine writer, and gracious winner I couldn’t be happier if I had won myself. Well, maybe a little.

Special thanks to Bob Randisi for not only putting on his standard great party, but for taking time from his own dinner to make sure The Beloved Spouse and I had a meal that wouldn’t kill us. I’m not a joiner, but every year I’m reminded how glad I am to be a part of PWA.

Next Monday on the blog: Day Three.

Blood on the Bayou - Thursday

Bouchercon 2016 took place in New Orleans September 15 – 18. While I’ve never been to a bad Bouchercon—Albany was a logistical nightmare but the panels were solid—the Big Easy may have been my favorite.

I’m providing my impressions over the next few weeks. Your experiences may not lead you to agree with everything reported here, but it’s not your blog, is it?

9:00 Another Tricky Day: Problems All Authors Face. Scott Adlerberg, moderator.

Wallace Stroby—who looks like Jason Bateman’s somewhat disreputable older brother—says what all former journalists say about getting stuck or being blocked: it’s a job. Get it done. He says he doesn’t miss the news business much, but he does miss being around the people. I’ve heard that from quite a few former journalists. Journalism must have been a hell of a way to make a living back in the day when a living could be made from it.

JT Ellison made contact with the Nashville cops by calling and asking if there had ever been a serial killer in Nashville and the cop told her to come on down, as if they were holding interviews for the position. I’m going to have to get to Killer Nashville one of these days. They seem to have the right attitude.

God, I love listening to writers talk about writing. This was a perfect opening panel: good writers talking about writing. We’re off and running.

12:00 One More Time: Novels and Characters Taking on Another Life on Screen. Lee Goldberg, moderator.

Nina Sadowsky: Don’t remake great old movies. If the original was bad, have at it.

Phoef Sutton and Alexandra Sokoloff agree that set pieces are key to getting a novel adapted. (Filed under “Microsoft Fails:” Word considers “Phoef” to be a misspelling.)

David Morell had an interesting backstory on First Blood. The book is ardently anti-war. The original Rambo movie less so, but still leaning that way. In the sequel, the line “Sir, do we get to win this time?” set off such a jingoistic wave in the country Morell and the book were virtually blacklisted from liberal bookstores and libraries, each of which had been his champions prior to that. After ten years or so the book and films had become so much part of popular culture he and the original novel became acceptable again.

Previously Unknown (by me) Fact: Die Hard was adapted from a book (Nothing Lasts Forever) that was itself the sequel to The Detective, which was made into a movie starring Frank Sinatra.

Alexandra Sokoloff: Producers will want to change your story into whatever they fantasize their mistress is doing.

Lee Goldberg once wrote a story about a TV executive driving in his car when The Big One hits LA, and how he finds his way to safety. A studio executive was interested, but asked could they make a couple of changes. Goldberg assumed the TV exec would have to have a different profession. The studio guy wanted to swap out the TV exec for six Midwestern cheerleaders, and—since LA earthquakes are cliché—change it to a tsunami. Basically a wet tee-shirt movie. Goldberg passed. The studio exec probably still wonders why.

Nina Sadowsky, quoting Nicholas Kazan: They pay us to take the meetings. We’d do the writing for free.

Lee Goldberg: Ideas are easy. Execution is everything. That’s why people who have had previous successes can so often get something else made.

Phoef Sutton, when asked about Robert McKee, believes McKee has inadvertently done storytelling in general a grave disservice. Sutton does not believe McKee intended for his book, Story, to be followed so slavishly. McKee was a charismatic teacher, but the book is indecipherable.

Nina Sadowsky, following up on Sutton’s comment: You can learn structure, not voice.

Phoef Sutton; James M. Cain was asked if having Walter Neff dictate the entire story of Double Indemnity as he dies was Cain’s idea. Cain said, “No, but it would have been if I had thought of it.”

David Morell: It’s not a writer-friendly environment when one has to contend with executives who could not survive in any other environment, and often not even in this one. Example given: Morell pitched an idea for a story about a mutant form of rabies. The exec had just made a movie in which rabies figured, and suggested changing rabies to industrial pollution. When Morell pointed out industrial pollution is not contagious, the exec replied, “Fuck it. No one will notice.”

1:30 Road to Find Out: Research. Harriette Sackler, moderator.

Michael Gear: Always remember the term “Willing suspension of disbelief.” Research is what allows the author to get the details right, which develops the trust the reader needs to suspend disbelief.

Veronica Forand: If you don’t know something, find a book that explains it for kids to get the basics down first.

3:00 Dead Man’s Party: Realities of Death Investigations. Ayo Onatade, moderator.

Jan Burke: Coroners speak for the living, such as victims’ families and others who might be affected by this cause of death.

D. P. Lyle: The ripple effects of murder are enormous and too often neglected.

Jan Burke is appalled at the state of much of what we do forensically in this country. Examples:

• Each state has different standards for submitting DNA into CODIS (Combined DNA Index System), depending on the crime. Auditing to see if even those standards are met is lacking.
• There 100,000 unidentified corpses lying around in the United States and we cannot even assume they have been measures and weighed, let alone fingerprinted or sampled for DNA. Not all states require the reporting of unidentified remains to NamUs (National Missing and Unidentified Persons System).
• Homicide investigations do not begin until a coroner rules a death as suspicious, and there are no national standards for coroners.

Jan Burke: Forensic science is designed to be understood by “the biggest idiot on the jury.”

Jan Burke: A missing person is “where hope can become cruel.”

D.P. Lyle, quoting Lee Goldberg on why so many cop shows get the science wrong: If you give me a choice between story and fact, I’ll choose story every time.

Alistair Kimble: Most cases are still broken by talking to people. That will show the investigator where to look, what to look for, and what’s important.

Jan Burke: A real benefit of the CSI shows is the increased numbers of women going into the sciences.

4:30 Telling Lies: Fiction is Better Than Reality. Johnny Shaw, moderator.

Five accomplished liars authors (Ingrid Thoft—who won the Shamus Friday night, congratulations, Ingrid—Lachlan Smith, J.D. Rhoades, Ben Lieberman, Julie Smith) told stories that could have been true or false. Mostly false, but two things were learned amid the laughter:

1. Truth is stranger than fiction.
2. The best lies have a lot of truth in them.

7:00 Down & Out Books Fifth Anniversary Event

Paraphrasing Art Mullin in Justified, it gave me a little bit of a writer’s chubby to see the caliber of talent I’m now included with by being a Down & Out author. James Ray Tuck read and emceed a lineup including Eric Beetner, Tom Pitts, Gordon Brown, Jeffery Hess, S.W. Lauden, Ian Truman, J.L. Abramo (who also went on to win a Shamus Friday night, congratulations, Joe), Grant Jerkins, Danny Gardner, Gary Phillips, Jen Conley, and yours truly that wrapped up what would have been a full and rewarding day even if Tim O’Mara had not kept me out at Sneaky Pete’s until 2:00 AM.

On Monday we have an interview with Australian author Andrew Nette that’s worth a read. We’ll get back to Bouchercon doings next Thursday.